Good Guy
by Sybil Jane Capulet
Summary: Giles fears that he has failed Jenny and himself; Willow comforts him. Takes place after the climactic scene of 'The Dark Age.'


"Just go home, Rupert."

"Are you sure? Sure you don't need...?"

"I'm fine, really." Jenny forces a smile. "Just go home and - and have some tea or - I don't know. I just really need to be alone right now."

"But you're hurt." I reach out to touch her, just a light touch on the arm to reassure myself that she is still here, to reassure her that I won't leave her, even though I have let he down in the worst way. She steps back further into her doorway, blocking it with her body.

"Just a couple of bruises," she says.

"It's more than that. You must let me take you to the hospital or - at least let me come in. I need to see that you're all right."

"No offense, Rupert, but this really isn't about what you need."

I draw back, helpless and embarrassed. I never seem to know what people need. "I never meant for you to get caught up in this. Jenny, can you forgive me?"

"I get that you're sorry. Now please just leave. I'll see you at school, yeah?"

I don't have time to speak before she shuts me out. For a moment I stare at the closed door, foolish and uncomprehending, still wondering what I can say to make this right. But the moments pass and she does not come back to me. After a time I see the light go on in an upstairs window - perhaps her bedroom - and her silhouette for the briefest moment as she draws the curtains. She is safe in there with her bright light and her solitude - safe as long as she is away from me. I turn and blunder down the steps, too consumed with self-hatred to see where I'm going. I have walked these streets many nights - nights when I could not sleep, nights when I feared for the people sleeping with only locks to shut out the dark. God, how I fear for them, for Jenny, for my Slayer, for us all. Is it possible for me to fail everyone?

When I reach my house someone is standing by the door. I catch a glimpse of long hair and for a moment think it is Jenny, but then a gleam of light reveals the hair to be red, and an unmistakable voice says, "Hey, Giles."

"Willow. How long have you been out here? You should be home in bed."

"Not exactly in a sleeping kinda mood. And I was worried. About Miss Calendar. Because of all the demon-y, possession-y stuff, you know."

"Jenny will be fine. I'll talk to you in the morning, Willow. I have to -" the key won't fit in the lock. Willow sees that my hands are shaking and takes it from me, opens the door. I am too ashamed of my weakness to thank her, only duck my head and hurry inside. It takes a moment to realize that she has followed me.

"Willow, this isn't the time -"

"I won't bother you. See, I'll sit right here and be quiet like a mouse." She sits in one of my chairs, clasps her hands and opens her eyes wide. "See my mousiness? I won't even make the teeniest sound."

"What are you doing here? What about Buffy? Is she all right?"

"She's fine, with Angel I guess. Xander's taking Cordy home."

"Goodness. I thought I saw fur flying from a distance."

"You probably shouldn't try to be jokey, Giles; it usually doesn't work with you. Anyway, I thought you might want some company."

"I want to go to bed," I say, barely in control of my voice. I can't let her see me like this.

"That's okay. I'll just sit here, and if you snore I'll shout. Snoring should not be tolerated, I say. No more snoring in Sunnydale! Buffy's the vampire slayer, maybe I could be -"

"Stop it," I say, and burst into tired, hopeless, silly laughter.

"Well, see, I was worried about you, we all were. And I thought somebody ought tell you that so you wouldn't get too dark and gloomified. But you are pretty gloomified, so maybe I should've stayed away."

"No - no, I appreciate the thought. Would you -" I don't know what to say "- like some tea?"

"Thanks, I'm set for tea. Do you want me to make you some?"

"No, no, that's quite all right."

"Giles, do you want to talk?"

I realize that I do, desperately, and Willow has such kindness in her eyes. But - "You're too young. I don't want to burden you."

"I'll be more burdened knowing you're all by your lonesome getting all broody on us. At least have a chair."

"Thank you. I - I will," I take a seat, forgetting for a moment that the house is mine. "You're sure I can't get you anything? A ride home?"

"Gee, Giles, if you keep saying that I'll start to think you don't want me here. Sooo...?"

"What?"

"See my listening face?"

I stare at the floor, and feel a heaviness behind my eyes that does not bode well. Then all at once my dignified self surrenders and I chock out, "I am terribly, terribly scared I'm going to lose Jenny!"

"Because of all the creepy crawlies that come with the job?"

"You can't understand what it's like. I have no choice, absolutely no choice in my life! If I had any other profession and it got between me and the woman I love I would just give it up but this - Buffy needs me, even if she doesn't know it. The world bloody needs me and I have no bloody _choice_."

Willow is silent for so long I fear that I was right to begin with - this is too much for a girl to comprehend and now I have frightened her away. I am about to mumble something embarrassingly British to cover up the whole thing, when she says, "Well, have you ever thought maybe you do have a choice? I mean, aren't there other guys who could take over for you, and you could just be Mr. Librarian Man, maybe Mister Miss-Calendar?"

"Being a watcher isn't something one can give up. I've tried. I've tried to escape in any way I could and look where that led me. No, the only way is just to accept one's destiny and try - try not to be too bitter about it."

"But you're older and smarter now: just because you fell in with an icky crowd doesn't mean -"

"Ethan was - is - a lot more than icky. He is an incredibly powerful man, an incredibly seductive man capable of astounding manipulation. I longed so much for something else - something _more_ - that I fell utterly in thrall to him and might still, given half a chance. I'm not strong: I don't know if I can keep resisting him." I am going too far.

"Maybe you'd feel better if you talked to Miss Calendar about this."

"I don't think she wants to hear anything from me - not right now."

"Then you should talk to me. I can take it, really I can."

"I feel very protective of you, and of course Buffy, and Xander, and even Cordelia. But Buffy has a duty, and the rest of you chose to become involved. That doesn't mean I don't fear for you, but Jenny -"

"Miss Calendar's a witch. She had scaries in her life way before she met you."

"But I should keep her safe - that is my duty, not only as a watcher but as a man, as a man who loves her. I should be able to protect her. And I failed because I was a foolish boy who made foolish choices -"

"Like the punk hair? 'Cause I gotta say -"

"Please be serious. Oh, God, what I am going to do? How can I ever make amends to her? She didn't know what she was choosing when she chose me."

"But - but you're not a bad man, Giles. So what if you have a past? Everybody has a past. Well, I don't have a past, but I'm sixteen. When I'm your age I'm sure I'll have a past. Okay, maybe I won't, but - but I know that making bad choices doesn't make you bad."

"I don't know. I don't think I'll ever escape from the things I did. Ethan - what he represents - I'll always be haunted."

"But, see, that doesn't matter. Not when you have Buffy, and Jenny, and all of us. He's a baddy, and so what if you used to be his buddy baddy? You're not his buddy now. If he comes back we'll fight him again, and we'll win, 'cause, well, the good guys always do, right? You'll win, Giles."

"I hope so. Perhaps - perhaps I can."

"Well, if I stay much longer I won't have time to finish my homework before dawn. You'll be... okay?"

"I'll be okay, Willow. Thank you for - thank you, dear girl."

"And don't worry, okay? And, sorry, but if Miss Calendar can't see what a catch you are she's got fuzz for brains. You're the good guy, Giles. You're our good guy. 'Night, Watcher-man. And don't let the bedbugs bite."

THE END


End file.
